Day 1

On entering the imposing threshold of my new workplace, a shrill American voice called from upstairs, “Wait there, I’ll be down in a minute.”

This was my new boss Mr Marley Mathhews.

It wasn’t until half an hour later that the disembodied voice finally became a real person. Without a welcoming smile or a short introduction the man uttered in his yankee drawl, “What’s your name? … I only remember the names of the people I hate, or the people I’m about to sue.”

(Gulp…Who on earth was this man?)

Well, Mr Marley Matthews is a quick thinking, quick talking ‘businessman’ who hails from Cuba. I can’t be sure of his exact source of wealth, but to put it mildly, the man is minted. He’s rich, he’s rude and he also happens to be a raving homosexual.

Next month Marley plans to leave London and relocate to Zurich (most probably to avoid paying tax for the rest of his life). Although his move is only a matter of weeks away – the poor man was disastrously unorganised. Not only did he need to redecorate his house, sell it and find a place to live in Zurich, but he also needed to get his beloved black poodles safely cargoed to Switzerland.

And guess what? I was responsible for organising it. All.

I’m not gonna lie, based on first impressions – I was completely terrified of this self-styled entrepreneur. But  as my frantic day progressed, I began to see the real Marley Matthews. He’s no corporate monster, he’s just the most bizarre and eccentric man I’ve ever met in my life.

Obsessed by crystals, feng shui and mantra healing, Marley Matthews takes ‘organic’ to another level.

Here’s an example of my to-do list:

1. Call the ultima citi concierge and book Marley a manicure and body wrap

2. Call the homeopathic vet to arrange fresh medication for the dogs.

3. Call the Munrose Dentists and order Marley some gut bacteria.

4. Order two crates of Acai juice and four crates of Goji juice.

5. Find a Feng Shuai expert to source ‘balanced’ property in Zurich.

6. Order on Amazon the book: ‘Loose weight with Crystals.’

As day one finally drew to a close, I left Gloucester Road with a shrewd smile. This was going to be a job to remember.

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