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For the past three months I’ve been filling my days with yet another internship.  I’m happy to say that this latest stint of unpaid labour, has been anything but dull. In previous offices, I’ve worked in silence and always kept my head down, but in my current place of work, voices are raised, phones are slammed and coarse language prevails!

I’ve witnessed hysterical laughter, hysterical tears, fierce bitching and silent treatment. From what I’ve gathered, every stereotype about working in “The Arts” is true. It really is a world of airy kisses, boozy lunches, hot tempers and shameless self promotion. But for every dollop of high pitched emotion, there is an equal portion of love and respect. I think it’s just the nature of working in theatre – these thespian type don’t like to hold back.

One bonus of the whole experience has been all the freebie trips to the theatre. I’ve been lucky enough to see a handful of shows, some funny, some sad and some plain awful, but it certainly is intriguing to see what appeals to the British public. People may claim that there is nothing that they want to see at the theatre, but I can confindently say there is something for everyone!

Day 1

On entering the imposing threshold of my new workplace, a shrill American voice called from upstairs, “Wait there, I’ll be down in a minute.”

This was my new boss Mr Marley Mathhews.

It wasn’t until half an hour later that the disembodied voice finally became a real person. Without a welcoming smile or a short introduction the man uttered in his yankee drawl, “What’s your name? … I only remember the names of the people I hate, or the people I’m about to sue.”

(Gulp…Who on earth was this man?)

Well, Mr Marley Matthews is a quick thinking, quick talking ‘businessman’ who hails from Cuba. I can’t be sure of his exact source of wealth, but to put it mildly, the man is minted. He’s rich, he’s rude and he also happens to be a raving homosexual.

Next month Marley plans to leave London and relocate to Zurich (most probably to avoid paying tax for the rest of his life). Although his move is only a matter of weeks away – the poor man was disastrously unorganised. Not only did he need to redecorate his house, sell it and find a place to live in Zurich, but he also needed to get his beloved black poodles safely cargoed to Switzerland.

And guess what? I was responsible for organising it. All.

I’m not gonna lie, based on first impressions – I was completely terrified of this self-styled entrepreneur. But  as my frantic day progressed, I began to see the real Marley Matthews. He’s no corporate monster, he’s just the most bizarre and eccentric man I’ve ever met in my life.

Obsessed by crystals, feng shui and mantra healing, Marley Matthews takes ‘organic’ to another level.

Here’s an example of my to-do list:

1. Call the ultima citi concierge and book Marley a manicure and body wrap

2. Call the homeopathic vet to arrange fresh medication for the dogs.

3. Call the Munrose Dentists and order Marley some gut bacteria.

4. Order two crates of Acai juice and four crates of Goji juice.

5. Find a Feng Shuai expert to source ‘balanced’ property in Zurich.

6. Order on Amazon the book: ‘Loose weight with Crystals.’

As day one finally drew to a close, I left Gloucester Road with a shrewd smile. This was going to be a job to remember.

The worst question anyone could ask me at the moment is:

“So what do you do?”

Because in all brutal honest truth, I don’t have a job.

What I’ve gathered over these past jobless months is that people really do judge you by your occupation. A job can reveal whether you’re intelligent, creative, interesting or successful. And if you don’t have one, then quite frankly you’re considered dull.

I may not have had a steady flow of income dripping into my bank account, but I don’t think I can say that my unemployed life has been dull.

Before Christmas, my life was a whirlwind of the most curious situations imaginable.

My time was split doing three totally different tasks.

1. Interning for the SRK – helping him set up his elitist social networking site.

2. Earning money as a waitress

3. Applying, applying applying

Have these three tasks got me anywhere?…hmmm, I’m not sure, but they’ve certainly given me a panoramic view of London life!